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One lucrative gig we should let Pete Evans keep

It was really no surprise when Pete Evans’ commercial sponsors ran faster than Rudy Giuliani’s box hair dye on a hot summer’s day.

The only perplexing thing was why it took this long to happen. The celebrity chef has been peddling his unique brand of nut-jobbery for years.

And after every scandal – which usually involved conspiracy theories or fake medical advice – we thought that was the end of him but he just kept coming back.

Getting rid of Pete Evans is like trying to get the smell of garlic off your hands. Impossible.

Well, almost.

Life hack: Rubbing your garlic-y hands on a stainless steel sink gets the stank right off.

Another life hack: Neo-Nazi memes eradicate nutty celebrity chefs.

I think I read both those hacks on a Kmart Mum Facebook group.

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Pete shared the meme on Instagram this week and the backlash was swift. The since-deleted cartoon which featured the Black Sun neo-Nazi symbol caused national outcry and – despite an apology and claims he didn’t realise the offensiveness of the image – led to mass-abandonment of Paleo Pete.

His longtime publisher Pan Macmillan dumped him. A string of sponsors, including several major retailers as well as Coles and Woolworths followed.

What did he expect when he posted the meme? That fans would comment “it me!” along with the cry-laughing emoji? Obviously Pete’s understanding of how memes work is about as accurate as his understanding of modern day medicine.

He always acts so surprised when people get shocked by what he does. Like when he said he reckons the coronavirus is not a thing.

“I choose not to believe in that narrative because it doesn’t make any sense to me,” he said in a recent interview about why he thinks COVID-19 spreading is fake and I say the same thing to traffic wardens when they try fine me for parking on median strips.

This meme misstep also led to his role as a contestant on next year’s I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here reportedly being nixed – but this is the one kind of gig we should let him keep. It’s where we finally get our pay off after years of putting up with Paleo Pete’s ridiculousness.

It has to be the right kind of show. No more of that My Kitchen Rules rubbish. Nothing where he’s in control. Even I’m A Celebrity would’ve been too soft. It has to be SAS Australia.

Watching him get put through the gruelling military course is the final thump in his fall from grace. Yes, he’d get paid a big pile of cash for it. But we just have to look beyond that and focus on the televised takedown we’d get to witness.

The celebrities on SAS have to endure hardcore military training, live in prison conditions and use a hole in the ground as a toilet which they then have to empty. The SAS soldiers aren’t going to give a flying activated almond about Pete’s paleo diet. They’ll make him eat white bread. WHITE BREAD. The positives already outweigh the negatives of giving him screen time.

There are professional athletes struggling to make it through the brutal course on the current series. One of them got hypothermia. There’s no way Pete, who subsists on bird seed and fruit and gets his energy from a weird $15,000 lamp, could withstand this.

Eddie McGuire was talking on his Triple M breakfast show about the chef’s rumoured attachment to I’m A Celeb and the current trend of recruiting controversial figures – even convicted criminals – for reality shows.

“At what stage do you draw the line?” he asked, adding, “I don’t know, who’s the moral arbiter of these things?”

Good question, Edward, and thank you for asking.

Firstly, there are no lines in reality TV so please shush and get on board because it’s fun.

And secondly, on SAS Australia, the moral arbiters are the soldiers who drag each celebrity into a concrete cell at 2am and interrogate them about all their past mistakes and controversies.

This year they gave us some of the best interviews we’ve seen in a long time when they mercilessly grilled contestants like convicted drug smuggler Schapelle Corby.

Many TV journalists have tried to grill Pete over the years but they’ve got nothing on these SAS soldiers. Removed from Byron Bay and without his weird food, the guy wouldn’t stand a chance.

And it would be worth it just to see the soldiers cut sick when Pete refuses to do a challenge and tells them: “I choose not to believe in that narrative because it doesn’t make any sense to me”.

Twitter, Facebook: @hellojamesweir

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